Career Consulting Limited
www.career-consulting-limited.com
|
|
 |
People |
|
|
 |
Grow Through It
It's past bedtime for most working men. It's not unbearably late and I have no appointments tomorrow morning so I sit here and contemplate. Contemplate what? Well, what do I always contemplate? Life, the concept of God, the meaning of life, what's happening in society, and my next step in my own journey; there really is a lot to consider or, more aptly put, more that one can consider. I speak of being in the moment, staying present and not worrying. You are more effective in that place. Yet, there are times for reflection. Reflecting gives me the opportunity to check-in with the events of the past week. The conversations and people I've met. Along with that there is the recollection of the impact I made or they made during our exchange. This includes what may come from the relationship. Sadly, there are those people whose impact may have been negative. During the exchange there are attempts at honest communication and I'm saddened by the lack of insight they may possess; I am thinking of a particular incident. Friendship is a fickle thing. I'm astonished by the mistakes we make as adults: Mistakes about our own beliefs and how that impacts others; Mistakes about relationship choices just because we feel ourselves getting older and perceive that to mean we're running out of time; Mistakes of judging others before we've even had the opportunity to give a friendship or relationship a chance. One encounter with someone rarely scratches the surface and most issues people have in an exchange are their own issues. Chances are you're seeing a reflection of yourself. I've had to learn that a long time ago now. Many beliefs and attitudes I encountered that butted heads with me were typically a fairly representative reality of my own making, not theirs. What I would see is what I expected to see based upon previous encounters with other people. Little triggers would set me off, thinking about a past event, letting it taint the current potential for a new relationship. After shutting so many people out, I finally took stock and began to challenge myself to see past those initial encounters. Most often, when we present ourselves to a new person, our strategy is to adopt a mask of conduct that we have become comfortable and safe with when dealing with people we don't know or want to keep at a safe distance. Too often in the past we presented our most authentic self while growing up and had our trust betrayed. Or, we've been schooled by parents, teachers, friends that we should always be on our guard. I've found little reason to continue the charade. While I will speak more freely about certain topics initially, I bring my truest nature into the relationship immediately. I speak openly about matters of the heart, matters of the spirit based upon my own experiences, and many other unusual topics of life and relationships. It troubles me to be in conversations with people who are guarded and anxious, as though they had something to hide, to protect, or suggest that I'm untrustworthy. To give trust is to be trustworthy. In opening myself up to be vulnerable, I demonstrate trust and that I am trustworthy. This was affirmed on Saturday morning over coffee with a woman that I had only just met. We met to discuss aspects of her life that she would like improved. For two hours nothing was spoken about her situation. I discussed many aspects of my life, trials and tribulations, relationships, work, and beliefs. Towards the end of our time together, she said she trusted me completely. It was about who I was being with her that gave her this security and permission to be authentic. Others won't go there. Another woman with whom I spent even more time, continuing to be the same man I always am, has failed to find me trustworthy. Yet I behaved the same and was my authentic self and opened up about much of my life and such as I did on Saturday. She opened up herself, usually about one or two topics, and yet she was caught up in a belief system that didn't allow her to trust herself with certain people. Based upon an initial impression, not of the person but of a stereotype she holds, I am lumped into a category of the type of person that can cause her to give up her power. That is such a revealing statement. After communicating this to me, understanding why she has this issue, I am unable to respond in a way that will allow her to hear the truth. The filter is already in place and everything said will be heard from that perspective. Not from a place of impartial judgment, instead it is heard from a biased judgment. We did speak about that issue but rather than challenge her, I had to talk about me from that context. I don't know if she will see what I see. If she gives up her power in context with certain people, then how is her relationship with herself? Does she trust herself? We are complex and we are wise to be careful with whom we trust. I agree with that but at the same time, can you be so overly cautious that you no longer learn anything about yourself, your power, and how you can improve your circumstances when dealing with other people? Challenges are given to us to rise up and grow. When a problem shows up, you go through it. Or, like my grandfather would have said, "You grow through it." Not all powerful personalities are interested in controlling other people. I'd say the majority of us are happy with who we are and are just enthused by the exchange with other human beings. We don't want your power, we want you to engage in a relationship that challenges and empowers. The questions I'm left with:
Lee Down is a Professional Coach, Trainer/Facilitator, Speaker, & Writer of One Man Can Human Capital Development that focuses on relationships, the key foundation to success in business and life. With more than 15 years professional experience and a thirst for truth and understanding, he focuses on the human spirit and human capacity. Working with clients, he facilitates the breaking down of beliefs, barriers or obstacles that bring clients forward on their journey of discovery with spirit, energy, abundance, passion and purpose, integrating the mind and body experience. Working with business, he brings visionary leadership and relationship skills to the forefront that witnesses an empowered culture evolve and develop directly impacting the improvement to the bottom-line.
MORE RESOURCES:
Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Happiness and Work: Your Life Depends On It. Early one morning, Robert awoke, made his wife of 41 years some banana bread, took out the garbage and called to cancel a doctors appointment scheduled for the next day. He wrote a note to remind his wife to pick up the dry cleaning. The Fastest Way to Ruin Yourself I don't know many people who would admit to wanting to ruin themselves, but there are a lot of people who are doing everything they can to accomplish that very goal. They certainly don't see it that way, but if you look at the way they live, you can see it happening. Plug in Your Systems for Success Have you ever noticed that so many of us who work diligently and ethically rarely achieve our objectives? And, why is it that those who-seemingly-work half as hard and half as long experience one success after another?The answer is twofold; successful people succeed because they implement proven, systems for success. Secondly, successful people have mastered the art of making time, work for them. Take Responsibility for Reshaping Your Life We say we want to eat better, feel better, and look better. But in order to make our goals materialize, we have to take responsibility for what we want by taking the appropriate actions. How to Solve Disputes with the Helicopter Talk Technique Do you ever find that when a friend asks for your opinion on a problem it is a lot easier for you to see a solution than it is for your friend?And do you also find that sometimes you feel completely stuck when it comes to your own problems?The same applies to disputes, relationship issues and disagreements.When you are part of the problem it can be very difficult to see a solution. Cause and Effect! Choose a Path Three steps to your Personal Transformation:Awareness and PerceptionLaw of Cause and EffectLaw of AccumulationThese categories are what you need to understand in order to be in total control of your being!Most go through life never reaching their potential because they never take control of all their faculties or abilities.This information is designed to help you gain complete control of your life!So lets get into it1) Awareness and perception. Tips For Singles On Celebrating The New Year It's four weeks away and you don't have any plans. Many of your friends will be away or out with their significant others. Burn-Out ...Whats Next? If you feel the heat of burn-out, it is possible to stop the fire before it stops you. Burn-out burns out confidence trust hope Burn-out can burn up your job your marriage your friendships There is a simple strategy for helping yourself prevent burn-out, especially if you are a person with more responsibilities than choices. Several Red Flags for Spotting a Phony or Scam The world is full of phonies and scammers these days. They use various mediums such as phone solicitation, spam email, magazine and newspapers ads, TV infomercials, and plain old snail mail. Q-Tip It! Back in the 1920's when Polish-American entrepreneur Leo Gerstenzang invented cotton swabs as a safer way to clean his baby's ears, he called his product "Q-Tip." Actually, his first name-choice was "Baby Gay" - but that didn't sell, so the by-now familiar name emerged. Why Daily Planning is So Important for Adults with ADD For adults with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), details are a drag. We tend to see the big picture and want to jump straight to the finish line, wishing we could skip all the steps in between. The Enchantment of Tribes to Belong To I am remembering and have a desire to share with you, a beautiful story told to me by a young lady. It was the end of the World War II and her dad was returning home. Coaching Employees - The Chronic Excuser Most of us find coaching employees to be an effective, even enjoyable, approach to leadership and management. Coaching provides a way to help team members grow and develop, while achieving business objectives. The Power of Online Memberships Have you ever noticed geese flying overhead, whether that be south for the winter, or back home in the spring? In Canada where I live, this is a regular sight and a sure sign of the seasons passing. From time to time, it's easy to notice that there is a certain pattern to the flying geese. Coaching vs. Directing - How Does Improv Theater Suggest You Should Lead Your Team An age old battle in improv that I believe resonates well with challenges we experience in the business world is the question of whether a team should have a coach or a director (in which case it should be called an ensemble). In addition there's the third option of the self coached team, which I will call committee from here on forward. Free Advice From Albert Einstein What If You Could Ask Anyone For Help?Have you ever noticed how sometimes you are at your most creative when you are interacting with another person? You and your friend or acquaintance feed off of each other's ideas and help each other clarify things. Well what about those times when you are alone, or you have no one you wish to share your ideas with? What can you do then to stimulate creative thought and to find elegant solutions to your problems? You could try talking to Albert Einstein. Your Mindset Determines Your Success in Life To keep at the top of your game you have to keep a clear head. You can't afford to fill up on news and negativity. Eureka! I've Found It! OK, so it wasn't quite that big of a deal. But I did find the "T" that mysteriously escaped from the word "not" in one of my articles a few months ago. Executive Coaching - Finding a Coach and Understanding the Process Nobody in business can fail to have noticed the recent rise in the number of coaches and consultants offering their services. But how do you go about finding a coach who will give you a return on your investment? Executive coaching might be an option for you if you are running your own business or are in an employed management role, and have aspirations to achieve more. Coaching: YOU Can Improve Your Organizations Performance GOOD BUSINESS COACHING: Clearly, the right kind of coaching can alter a team's or an organization's performance. The implication for business is that if you create a climate of coaching in any organization, you can produce performance that exceeds your expectations - and you won't have to change the people to do so.
|
|
|
| © Career Consulting Limited.com 2010
|